Six Years Without Mickey: healing is hard when your sister is popular

A preface: this is more of a post about me complaining about what it's like to experience a national missing person case and not about my sister. But of course, it revolves around my sister.

As may 19th approaches every year, it always brings a mixture of emotions and thoughts about how much my life has changed in the last 6 years. And what is even more unusual is that my family is joined by 100s of other people every year as we mourn the loss and memory of my sister. I know it's been said a million times, but Mickey did not deserve to be murdered and she doesn't deserve to be treated like a cash cow now... because what happened to her was a tragedy and not a sexy story.

In 2012 when Mickey was missing the worst part was not knowing where she was, if she was cold or hungry or sleeping or in pain. It really was like a movie, I stood still while the world moved around me. I had nightmares where all I could hear was screaming and I would wake up in cold sweats. I would stay up all night, not sleeping for days, reading every single blog and website relating to her. We even hired a psychic that is extremely famous to help us find her... of course she was completely wrong and she never sent my sister's possessions back, but that's besides the point.

And then when we found out what happened to Mickey, the worst part was filling in the small details that we didn't know. As much as you try and stop yourself, we all imagined the last moments of her life over and over and over again. I still find myself dreaming of it sometimes, and it's horrible to say the least. And obviously, we have to rely on information given to us by her murderer. Because, how can you trust someone that murdered your loved one to tell the whole story? And he did give multiple stories... so we will never really know exactly what happened, outside of what the evidence told the police.

As time has passed, things get easier and I even find myself feeling completely normal most days and it's shocking because when you suffer a loss like that, you don't think anything will ever be normal again. And you don't think you'll ever be completely happy again. I am certainly not my whole self, and I don't think my family or her friends are their whole selves either. Because a loss like that takes pieces from you, but dealing with a loss like that publicly and having it take 3 months to conclude, takes chunks out of your soul. You don't get those pieces back, you just keep replacing the bandaids. Luckily, most of the time I think all of us think about the good times that we had with Mickey, not what ultimately ended her life.

One thing that makes it very hard to forget about what happened is the media. I recognize that this was a very public case and that we were very open about everything we experienced while Mickey was missing and just after she was found. But my big question is, why do people think it's appropriate to approach you out in public and cry to you about what happened. Or see you walking down the street while you're shopping and scream "Mickey Shunick"? Or corner you in the bathroom and tell you details they know about the man who murdered your sister? It's mind-boggling to me. It's one thing when people say "hey you and your sister are awesome" or "hey I knew Mickey" and they tell you a funny story. But it's another thing for people to approach you with the look of pity on their face... because I don't think we should be pitied. My sister fought for her life, and she kicked her attackers ass... he just happened to have a gun, and she didn't. This whole scenario would be like random people reminding you of the worst thing you've ever experienced on the few occasions you aren't thinking about it... but it happens over and over and over again forever. However, I can't change my face and if you haven't noticed, Mickey and I could have been (fraternal) twins. Clearly I was born with a much bigger head than she was.

I'm trying to express this without sounding like an asshole. Because I truly do love and appreciate the support that we continue to receive, it's just a double edged sword. Especially when I've tried time and time again to channel that energy into other missing person cases and people don't always want to move in that direction. And trust me, I know, that if it's weren't for our community, we wouldn't have found my sister and she would still be considered a missing person. But you know what, we did find her, and there are still COUNTLESS missing person cases open in our communities. It's time to concentrate on those.

I've almost written this blog post so many times, but it's always when I'm angry about something dealing with Mickey. Guess what, I'm super angry right now. Because one of the problems with having a public missing person case, is that people think they own that story and that it's free to tell however they see fit. Media companies, authors, and producers seem to think that our personal tragedy makes a really great story. And I cannot express the level of disgust I feel toward those people. I know it's their job, and they have to ask, but the way they do it is inappropriate. In fact, I would say my biggest regret is making my sister's case so public (not that it was my decision, it just sort of happened). The other side to that is, if we hadn't made my sister's case so public, we wouldn't have found her. It was tips from the public and the constant stream of information from our campaign, the media, and the police and allowed us to solve her case. Since we did make it so public, and I'm her big sister, and I became the "face" of the campaign... my job is still to make sure people don't mess with Mickey. Trust me when I tell you, the fierceness I had while she was missing hasn't gone away, and it has only gotten stronger. If I end up getting sued for libel one day.. so be it... and good luck, because I'm a teacher with health issues that also runs a nonprofit for free.

And the worst part about all of this is, Mickey's case, and everything that happened to her, is public knowledge. So legally, my family and I can't stop anyone from writing a book about her, or making a movie, or making some shitty television show about her. A high school friend of mine is a lawyer and he said they were in the process of getting a law to pass that would allow family members to posthumously take on all PR rights of their dead loved one but it hasn't happened yet. When a company approaches us, all we can do is refuse to participate and beg her friends not to so they can't tell a very good story. At least we're lucky they even ask us... although a few times, they haven't asked us and just assumed we would participate when they're in town.

From what I can remember, we did 3 or 4 television shows, and the only acceptable one that was created was by Dateline NBC. In fact, I'm still friends with those guys and I have nothing but love and respect for them... and it's because they respect us (what up Josh!). Because then you have channels that think it's appropriate to make a television series called "Southern Fried Homicide"... and I can only hope they forget that these are the murders of real human beings that have real family members and loved ones that are still living real lives out in the world. Because how does the murder of people in the south relate to chicken or green tomatoes? It doesn't, they're just sensationalist. But I get it, what could be more sensational than the murder of a young, white, blonde haired, blue eyed woman from a small town in Louisiana? Not much... I guess.

The situation that spurred my motivation for writing this post today is because of an encounter I just had. A young woman added me on Facebook, and we had a lot of mutual friends so I just assumed we knew each other. And apparently we had a Spanish class together in college but regardless, when I looked at her profile after adding her and I saw that she worked for a production company in New York I had one of those "oh God, what have I done" moments. And sure enough, a few minutes later I received a message about a television show about Mickey. And I immediately said no... absolutely not. Then this young woman countered it by saying "no sorry this is about another missing person case I know you have been involved with and the non profit organization you created" so I said I would speak to the mother of the missing young lady whose case she was speaking about and get back to her. And then I connected the producer with the mother. I would love to talk about the organization and other cases I've worked on but I will never speak about my sister with one of those shows ever again. Well, it had been a few days so I started breathing a sigh of relief thinking that they were just going to do a show on this missing woman and I wouldn't have to participate... because, I know better than to think I could talk about RAMP without also talking about my sister on national television. Well, guess who messages me today saying that her boss said "this is really about Mickey's story"

EXCUSE ME? gurrrrrrrlllllllll. 
Whyyyy youuuu lyingggg thennnn? Mickey's story has been told time and time again, and she is represented by every single missing person case I have worked on since she went missing (which has been over 700 at this point), and I already told your company no... the level of disrespect is so real...why can't these people just be honest. I would never sell my soul to be a glorified con artist with the veil of "we tell people's stories to help other people"... because the internet doesn't exist and we haven't already done multiple shows and interviews.

And what really burns me up even more, is every time we turn down one of these "golden opportunities" to abuse my sister's privacy and rip open the still healing wounds from her murder... I give them lists of names of other missing person campaigns that desperately need the attention and assistance... and guess what? They NEVER approach those families. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's because their stories don't have conclusions yet, but since there's at least 3 other shows about Mickey, aren't they just copying and pasting the same material onto their show but adding a few extra words to make it look like their own work? Pretty sure we spent years in school learning that's not the way it works.

But I tell you what... I'm getting really tired of dedicating my time and energy to fighting people that think they can use Mickey's story for their own financial gain. And I don't mean to be insensitive to my sister at all, but she was extremely private and would want none of this. There's already a park, a bike lane, multiple news stories, a scholarship, multiple television shows, and non profit organization that have all been created in her name. And most of these things we didn't push for, it was offered to us and for beautiful reasons. Because Lafayette, I ain't mad atcha. The bike lane was needed and the pocket park is beautiful. But when will enough be enough? When can I go 3 months without some stranger thinking they can write a really great book about my sister's life? If Mickey would have wanted a book or a movie created... a book or movie would be created.

And now... I digress and apologize for my public venting. Mickey was a badass, a golden human being, an animal lover, a pocket rocket (as my aus friend would say), and very shy and private. Her friends, my friends, my family and I are still trying to move on. And all we want is to just remember Mickey for who she was and not for what happened to her. The only thing to remember about her murder is that she took a horrible human being off the streets that can no longer hurt other people.

With that being said, please join me in remembering the beautiful soul that was and is Michaela "Mickey" Elizabeth Shunick, who was taken from us 6 years ago this Saturday and would have turned 28 this coming Monday. And finally, may the people who want to use her story for their own personal gain piss off for eternity.

With love,
Charlie

Two Years

On this... the day of my two-year anniversary... I vow to blog a little more (I recently watched The Godfather 1 and 2 - number 2 is life changing). To be fair, I wrote quite a few posts throughout 2017 but I felt it was best not to share them. Most of them were at times that I was very upset about various things and once I cooled off I realized there was no point in sharing those thoughts. 

TWO YEARS since brain surgery. What is happening? Life is basically normal, although last weekend Jordan, one of my best friend's Jen, and I sat around talking about the ways that I am different. Jen used the word "blunt" but what she meant is that I'm bitchier now. It's not necessarily a bad thing that I'm more assertive but sometimes I could be nicer about things probably. It's been beneficial to me at work, but I think my friends are growing tired of my sassiness. I am still way too nice to my students so there's that. 

Brain updates: no tumor regrowth! My surgeon said based on the nature of the tumor, it's very unlikely it will ever grow back but that's not a 0% chance which means I will always worry about it. You should see me when it gets close to my MRI time... anxious, nervous wreck with a string of insomnia and binge eating wrapped around it. I had a bought of really bad headaches for about a month last year (with about 3 days of constant migraine) and I was convinced my tumor was growing back. I had already created a plan about when I would have surgery so I could recover and go back to work and how I would pay for it. But... no tumor, no cries. 

As far as seizures and auras go, it's been better but some of that stuff remains. I still get the occasional aura and it's always at the worst times... like when I'm teaching or at a party with people I don't know. No big partial seizures or tonic-clonic episodes have occurred (as far as I know, because if I were alone I may not). The generic Keppra, levetiracetam (try saying that 5 times fast), at the 2,000mgs I was taking every day was impacting my life on every level. I finally sat down with my neurologist, Dr. Peterson in November and asked if I could lower my dosage. I'm now taking 1,500mgs a day and life is brighter, beautiful, and better than ever. I take 750mgs in the morning and 750 at night and the difference is so marked. Before I was always lethargic and had nearly debilitating anxiety, and no energy. Just 500mgs less and I'm back to my old self. There is still some lethargy and some moderate anxiety but with enough sleep, a decent diet, and regular exercise I can overcome that. In defense of the Keppra... some of that could have been because I was still healing and recovering. For everyone that has ever experienced true, long lasting anxiety, I am so sorry. It is horrendous and completely out of your control. All you can do is try to make it a little bit better everyday. 

I do 100% believe that if I did not have this anti-convulsant medication, I would be having at least partial seizures greater than just a quick aura. Recently, I've developed an uncontrollable thumb twitch that happens several times a day. It's only been two weeks, but this is the type of movement I wrote off as something else in the past. I can't tell if it's muscle exhaustion, stress, or neurological so I'm waiting it out. I got a new phone for Christmas (thanks Daddy) and I've been on the computer pretty much nonstop so I'm hoping it is just over use of my hands. If worse comes to worse, I will have to increase my medication again -- but I REALLY don't want to. Another issue is happening while I sleep and it's some minor tongue and cheek biting on the right side of my mouth. I know it happens to everyone, but it happens frequently for me. I just started wearing a mouth guard this week to see if that will stop the chomping and grinding. When you have a seizure disorder (that I call epilepsy as a blanket statement), you have to figure out if you're having seizures for preventative measures. If I think I'm going to have a seizure, I don't want to be driving and hurt myself or someone else. This happened to my friend Jade recently and she literally had no idea she was having seizures until she woke up and her car was in a ditch. Luckily, she was ok.

Life updates: life is good. I'm going to put the past year in a nut shell and elaborate in later posts. Biggest news: I moved in with Jordan, and we still like each other. He and I make a good team and are truly a yin and yang couple. My parents and brother have already come to stay with us, it was really fun. My parents are almost done with renovating their home since the flood in 2016. Next big news: two of my best friends (Lyndsey and Matt) are getting married and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. Something I haven't mentioned is that aside from my super bestie Brooke, I've had a group of best friends for the last 12 years. All the girls have known each other for even longer than that, but Lyndsey, April, Dani, Jen, Meredith, and I will be friends forever and ever. Lyndsey made the mistake of asking April, Mer, and I to all be in her wedding but we have been doing a great job so far (with massive help from Loo's sister (the MOH) and cousin). The bachelorette trip is in 2 weeks -- I'll let you guys know if anyone breaks any bones. We are going to a cabin in the woods in Arkansas. 

I'm kicking my own butt at work. I was given the task of creating a forensic science lab and lecture with the hopes of one day having several classes students can take that want to go on and get a bachelor’s degree in forensic science. The class started this semester and so far, my class is going well and the students seem very excited, I can't wait to get into the dirty stuff. This summer I got quite a bit of training, I even went to a "forensic research facility" (aka a BODY FARM OMG) and I will never be the same. It doesn't matter how much you prepare, you can never prepare for seeing a human body, unpreserved, sitting in the Texas sun... and I saw quite a few bodies, at various stages of decomposition. 2017 was really a year of dead bodies, and I don't mean to sound insensitive when I say that, I just don't know how else to describe it. I went to a cadaver lab with one of my colleagues and his comparative anatomy class (excellent class, you should take it) and then I went to the body farm. It gave me a whole new perspective on life... and death. We are truly amazing animals, there's a reason we are at the top of the food chain. 

Nonprofit updates: I did my first bit of public speaking at SUNO located here in New Orleans. One of the mentors that I've been working with is Dr. Pamela Marshall that runs the Forensic Science program there. When we first met I told her about my organization and some of the research we were doing with a classmate of mine in conjunction with UL and the University of South Florida (it's HUUUUGE and I can't wait to share the findings). Pam has very similar goals for her program and thus, we hit it off immediately (thanks Clint). Pam asked if I would be willing to speak at SUNO about my experience with having a missing and murdered sister and what I have learned. Jordan and one of my bosses came with me for moral support because I knew I would be a bit of a mess, but I ended up doing very well. There were minimal tears although I did end up making half of the room cry. Speaking to students going into Forensic Science and Criminal Justice as a teacher and a human being was impactful for all of us. I hope I gave them some insight into what people on the other side of the case are going through. 

Also, as a quick note, I convinced the lead detective from my sister's case Stephen Bajat, to be on my advisory board for work. I don't know if he knew I would never leave him alone but every time I call, email, message, whatever... he responds with open arms. The Lafayette PD is filled with some loving, courageous, amazing individuals and I cannot say how much I appreciate them. 

RAMP is still kicking butt, my only regret is that I just don't have to time to dedicate to the other activities of running a business outside of paying bills, doing our taxes, and working on missing person cases. The classmate I mentioned earlier is Michelle Jeanis and she is now working at UL as an Assistant Professor in Sociology. She originally approached me about using our social media profiles to do research into missing person cases in late 2015, early 2016. When I tell you that this woman is kicking ass for missing people, it is an understatement.  Michelle and her team at the University of South Florida have already completed a massive study --publication pending-- and now we are planning on starting another one. We are looking into the impact of social media on missing person cases (FACEBOOK PLEASE STOP TRYING TO CHARGE ME TO SHARE INFORMATION ABOUT MISSING PEOPLE). She has made connections for us that I never could have done on my own. The RAMP team is still strong, and we are doing what we can. Our first priority, as always, is to work on missing person cases first, and try and raise money and reach our other goals second. Maybe one day I’ll come in and say “we got a huge grant and hired someone and everything is about to blow up” but for now, we are going to come out with our research and try to change society’s ides about missing people.

I have a lot more to say but this post is already entirely too long. I’ll be back soon with more stories about myself. The best thing about a blog is that you can be as egotistical as you want, because it’s a public diary. Love everyone, hope 2018 is treating you right.