Two Years

On this... the day of my two-year anniversary... I vow to blog a little more (I recently watched The Godfather 1 and 2 - number 2 is life changing). To be fair, I wrote quite a few posts throughout 2017 but I felt it was best not to share them. Most of them were at times that I was very upset about various things and once I cooled off I realized there was no point in sharing those thoughts. 

TWO YEARS since brain surgery. What is happening? Life is basically normal, although last weekend Jordan, one of my best friend's Jen, and I sat around talking about the ways that I am different. Jen used the word "blunt" but what she meant is that I'm bitchier now. It's not necessarily a bad thing that I'm more assertive but sometimes I could be nicer about things probably. It's been beneficial to me at work, but I think my friends are growing tired of my sassiness. I am still way too nice to my students so there's that. 

Brain updates: no tumor regrowth! My surgeon said based on the nature of the tumor, it's very unlikely it will ever grow back but that's not a 0% chance which means I will always worry about it. You should see me when it gets close to my MRI time... anxious, nervous wreck with a string of insomnia and binge eating wrapped around it. I had a bought of really bad headaches for about a month last year (with about 3 days of constant migraine) and I was convinced my tumor was growing back. I had already created a plan about when I would have surgery so I could recover and go back to work and how I would pay for it. But... no tumor, no cries. 

As far as seizures and auras go, it's been better but some of that stuff remains. I still get the occasional aura and it's always at the worst times... like when I'm teaching or at a party with people I don't know. No big partial seizures or tonic-clonic episodes have occurred (as far as I know, because if I were alone I may not). The generic Keppra, levetiracetam (try saying that 5 times fast), at the 2,000mgs I was taking every day was impacting my life on every level. I finally sat down with my neurologist, Dr. Peterson in November and asked if I could lower my dosage. I'm now taking 1,500mgs a day and life is brighter, beautiful, and better than ever. I take 750mgs in the morning and 750 at night and the difference is so marked. Before I was always lethargic and had nearly debilitating anxiety, and no energy. Just 500mgs less and I'm back to my old self. There is still some lethargy and some moderate anxiety but with enough sleep, a decent diet, and regular exercise I can overcome that. In defense of the Keppra... some of that could have been because I was still healing and recovering. For everyone that has ever experienced true, long lasting anxiety, I am so sorry. It is horrendous and completely out of your control. All you can do is try to make it a little bit better everyday. 

I do 100% believe that if I did not have this anti-convulsant medication, I would be having at least partial seizures greater than just a quick aura. Recently, I've developed an uncontrollable thumb twitch that happens several times a day. It's only been two weeks, but this is the type of movement I wrote off as something else in the past. I can't tell if it's muscle exhaustion, stress, or neurological so I'm waiting it out. I got a new phone for Christmas (thanks Daddy) and I've been on the computer pretty much nonstop so I'm hoping it is just over use of my hands. If worse comes to worse, I will have to increase my medication again -- but I REALLY don't want to. Another issue is happening while I sleep and it's some minor tongue and cheek biting on the right side of my mouth. I know it happens to everyone, but it happens frequently for me. I just started wearing a mouth guard this week to see if that will stop the chomping and grinding. When you have a seizure disorder (that I call epilepsy as a blanket statement), you have to figure out if you're having seizures for preventative measures. If I think I'm going to have a seizure, I don't want to be driving and hurt myself or someone else. This happened to my friend Jade recently and she literally had no idea she was having seizures until she woke up and her car was in a ditch. Luckily, she was ok.

Life updates: life is good. I'm going to put the past year in a nut shell and elaborate in later posts. Biggest news: I moved in with Jordan, and we still like each other. He and I make a good team and are truly a yin and yang couple. My parents and brother have already come to stay with us, it was really fun. My parents are almost done with renovating their home since the flood in 2016. Next big news: two of my best friends (Lyndsey and Matt) are getting married and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. Something I haven't mentioned is that aside from my super bestie Brooke, I've had a group of best friends for the last 12 years. All the girls have known each other for even longer than that, but Lyndsey, April, Dani, Jen, Meredith, and I will be friends forever and ever. Lyndsey made the mistake of asking April, Mer, and I to all be in her wedding but we have been doing a great job so far (with massive help from Loo's sister (the MOH) and cousin). The bachelorette trip is in 2 weeks -- I'll let you guys know if anyone breaks any bones. We are going to a cabin in the woods in Arkansas. 

I'm kicking my own butt at work. I was given the task of creating a forensic science lab and lecture with the hopes of one day having several classes students can take that want to go on and get a bachelor’s degree in forensic science. The class started this semester and so far, my class is going well and the students seem very excited, I can't wait to get into the dirty stuff. This summer I got quite a bit of training, I even went to a "forensic research facility" (aka a BODY FARM OMG) and I will never be the same. It doesn't matter how much you prepare, you can never prepare for seeing a human body, unpreserved, sitting in the Texas sun... and I saw quite a few bodies, at various stages of decomposition. 2017 was really a year of dead bodies, and I don't mean to sound insensitive when I say that, I just don't know how else to describe it. I went to a cadaver lab with one of my colleagues and his comparative anatomy class (excellent class, you should take it) and then I went to the body farm. It gave me a whole new perspective on life... and death. We are truly amazing animals, there's a reason we are at the top of the food chain. 

Nonprofit updates: I did my first bit of public speaking at SUNO located here in New Orleans. One of the mentors that I've been working with is Dr. Pamela Marshall that runs the Forensic Science program there. When we first met I told her about my organization and some of the research we were doing with a classmate of mine in conjunction with UL and the University of South Florida (it's HUUUUGE and I can't wait to share the findings). Pam has very similar goals for her program and thus, we hit it off immediately (thanks Clint). Pam asked if I would be willing to speak at SUNO about my experience with having a missing and murdered sister and what I have learned. Jordan and one of my bosses came with me for moral support because I knew I would be a bit of a mess, but I ended up doing very well. There were minimal tears although I did end up making half of the room cry. Speaking to students going into Forensic Science and Criminal Justice as a teacher and a human being was impactful for all of us. I hope I gave them some insight into what people on the other side of the case are going through. 

Also, as a quick note, I convinced the lead detective from my sister's case Stephen Bajat, to be on my advisory board for work. I don't know if he knew I would never leave him alone but every time I call, email, message, whatever... he responds with open arms. The Lafayette PD is filled with some loving, courageous, amazing individuals and I cannot say how much I appreciate them. 

RAMP is still kicking butt, my only regret is that I just don't have to time to dedicate to the other activities of running a business outside of paying bills, doing our taxes, and working on missing person cases. The classmate I mentioned earlier is Michelle Jeanis and she is now working at UL as an Assistant Professor in Sociology. She originally approached me about using our social media profiles to do research into missing person cases in late 2015, early 2016. When I tell you that this woman is kicking ass for missing people, it is an understatement.  Michelle and her team at the University of South Florida have already completed a massive study --publication pending-- and now we are planning on starting another one. We are looking into the impact of social media on missing person cases (FACEBOOK PLEASE STOP TRYING TO CHARGE ME TO SHARE INFORMATION ABOUT MISSING PEOPLE). She has made connections for us that I never could have done on my own. The RAMP team is still strong, and we are doing what we can. Our first priority, as always, is to work on missing person cases first, and try and raise money and reach our other goals second. Maybe one day I’ll come in and say “we got a huge grant and hired someone and everything is about to blow up” but for now, we are going to come out with our research and try to change society’s ides about missing people.

I have a lot more to say but this post is already entirely too long. I’ll be back soon with more stories about myself. The best thing about a blog is that you can be as egotistical as you want, because it’s a public diary. Love everyone, hope 2018 is treating you right.