Hello friends and foes, it's been a while...
Well, to anyone that has followed my story or knows me personally, we are all aware that this week is the 10 year mark of my sister's disappearance and murder. Each year around this time, I do what I call a lil' mini spiral (don't come at me therapists, I know it's not the correct term) and just feel down and weird and wonder wtf is wrong with me... but then I realize OHHH it's Mickeys murder/birthday month. To say that I miss my sister is an extreme understatement, there is a hole in my life that will never be filled. It never gets smaller, you just learn how to be who you are with a broken part. I do wonder what Mickey would be like, where she would be living, if she would be married, how many horses she would own now. She should be turning 32 Saturday but... she isn't.
Reflecting on the last decade almost feels unbelievable. I look back at myself and see what feels like 6 different lives where I was born, lived, died, and reborn again. Some versions I recognize in myself today and some versions are gone forever. I do blame some of that on the stupid brain tumor and surgery. I realized last year that I am finally happy and then I realized it's because I finally feel like myself again (a 30-something pleasure but also ~healing~). ...it's like... was this a movie? no... no I remember it... over and over again. But as they say... grief is a cycle that you go through forever - you just get faster at spinning through those stages. A cool move I also made was chopping all my hair off and going back to my natural color so people don't recognize me as much anymore. That has added a lot of positivity into my mental health (I do miss the blonde but not enough to destroy my curls again). Not that I don't love a good fist bump or lil' hug... but being stopped by strangers while you're shopping or on a date or at the airport, and having them want to talk about your trauma and pity you... is not a solid experience - like 2/10 type of experience (+2 because I know they mean well).
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| Sorry, I am not a photogenic individual but here is my non-platinum hair!!! |
Otherwise, I wish I could say things were fully back to normal, but I'm starting to realize that will never be the case. I believe I will be contacted by various media companies wanting to use my sister's murder to produce some other true crime bullshit monstrosity for the general public to consume, like it's a made up story. I was tweet venting about this recently (truly send so many good vibes to my twitter friends for putting up with me) but WHY can't a legal agent be appointed for the victims of violent crimes to control their PR rights after their deaths? I would pay whatever the cost, take whatever tests necessary to be able to completely mute people from using my sister's story. Did you know the victims of violent crimes have no PR rights if they are dead? Anyone can make anything they want about my sister and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. Media is supposed to follow a "code of ethics" but it's not law so people can do whatever they want, and that is pretty gross if you ask me.
Most people have the taste to at least ask us and then I am able to beg them not to make the <insert book, movie, tv episode, podcast, blog, YouTube video, etc.> but some don't. Just the other day a young woman DM'd me saying she loved a recent YouTube video some random YouTuber "Murderino" made... like cool, cool, cool, cool... so happy you are using my sister's murder for $$$$$$$; along with 100s of stories of other victims of violent crimes that also weren't able to consent. And don't get me wrong, some families gladly and lovingly accept the support and attention but my sister had all of the advantages working for her and there continues to be so much happening in her honor (check out the Mickey Shunick Memorial Park and Biking trail in Lafayette). Personally, I just feel like her story really doesn't need to continue to be told because it's been told in every way imaginable and there are 1000s and 1000s of people that still need support and attention for their missing and/or murdered loved ones.
In fact, my org was lucky enough to be used (our data lololol) by the Sociology Department at UL and well... I hate to break it to anyone that doesn't believe it... but missing white woman syndrome 100% exists. And some of the media people I have spoken with are very, very aware that it is their fault. So to the media, I call upon you... start featuring larger spotlights of the crimes impacting men and people of color in the same way you feature white women. Sharing information about crime doesn't need to be factored into your ad revenue... not covering all stories equally is a direct disservice to your communities and it is up to you to change that. Here's the article if anyone is interested in checking it out (I wish I could have you access it for free but I can't): https://academic.oup.com/sf/article-abstract/100/2/454/6104013?redirectedFrom=fulltext. While I'm on this platform FACEBOOK PLEASE STOP CHARGING 501(c)3 ORGANIZATIONS TO REACH THEIR ENTIRE AUDIENCES ON YOUR PAGES. YOU ARE MUTING A LARGE PART OF OUR POPULATION AND PREVENTING THEM FROM SEEING IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT MISSING PERSON CASES. If you're wondering if we tried paying to boost posts to see if it made a huge difference... it does not.
Ughhhh Facebook *fist shaking*
I also did a podcast episode with part of the UL research group and her podcast Missing Magnolias, here is the link to that, if you want to give it a listen -mostly me just talking about my experience in missingness: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/missing-magnolias/id1585504130?i=1000548436404
Anyway... what I'm trying to say is... it's exhausting constantly battling people to just let Mickey have some privacy. I actually stopped blogging years ago after some anonymous troll said "if you don't want people to talk about your sister, stop talking about her" so... I did. And guess what, people are still fucking talking about her. So at least I can sit here and shame all of those absolute turds. I was talking with someone about internet trolls yesterday and I gotta say... a big difference between them and bullies is that at least bullies have the backbone to talk shit in real life, trolls just have strong little fingers and constantly shrinking grey matter.
What else has happened in the last 4 years since I posted? A lot! I am no longer in a relationship, dating in your 30s is super weird but also pretty fun and a lot more interesting than dating in yours 20s. Mostly because we are all so busy and have adult money and assertive attitudes (at least about what you need). It is super weird to try to explain to people about how I ended up where I am and why I have an organization and talk about family though... but we all have our own baggage, right? Still haven't quite figured out how to talk about my life though.
We had a global pandemic, not sure if you have heard about it... I did end up contracting COVID in December of 2021, just about 5-weeks after my booster but overall I recovered quickly. Being an educator during the beginning of the pandemic was an absolute nightmare. Were we working 80-100 hours a week, every week, for a year and a half? Yes. Did we all keep our jobs? Yes. Teaching is interesting and it has its highs and lows but I am still grateful for the job security and the human beings that I get to educate. I started working in a program at my current school and have been lucky enough to be the Biotechnology Director within it for almost 4 years now. My school has also allowed me to build and teach several forensic science courses and laboratories and form partnerships with various LE-related people in the area. In fact, I have gotten extensive training in many forensic techniques and fields and I am getting more training this summer. It has made me substantially better at my job at school and for the nonprofit. I have also continued to work on so many missing person cases and act as a support beam to people. I hate to have to do it, but I am glad so many people feel safe and secure with me in their pocket... unlike some people I have interacted with in the "missing person world" I am just here to be a shoulder to lean on, nothing more.
Carmen turned 10 years old in April, I can't believe she's such a little old lady now. We have our little routines down and we live in an area in New Orleans that allows us to go on different walking adventures everyday.
Glad you are doing well. And nice to hear from you.
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