Six Years Without Mickey: healing is hard when your sister is popular

A preface: this is more of a post about me complaining about what it's like to experience a national missing person case and not about my sister. But of course, it revolves around my sister.

As may 19th approaches every year, it always brings a mixture of emotions and thoughts about how much my life has changed in the last 6 years. And what is even more unusual is that my family is joined by 100s of other people every year as we mourn the loss and memory of my sister. I know it's been said a million times, but Mickey did not deserve to be murdered and she doesn't deserve to be treated like a cash cow now... because what happened to her was a tragedy and not a sexy story.

In 2012 when Mickey was missing the worst part was not knowing where she was, if she was cold or hungry or sleeping or in pain. It really was like a movie, I stood still while the world moved around me. I had nightmares where all I could hear was screaming and I would wake up in cold sweats. I would stay up all night, not sleeping for days, reading every single blog and website relating to her. We even hired a psychic that is extremely famous to help us find her... of course she was completely wrong and she never sent my sister's possessions back, but that's besides the point.

And then when we found out what happened to Mickey, the worst part was filling in the small details that we didn't know. As much as you try and stop yourself, we all imagined the last moments of her life over and over and over again. I still find myself dreaming of it sometimes, and it's horrible to say the least. And obviously, we have to rely on information given to us by her murderer. Because, how can you trust someone that murdered your loved one to tell the whole story? And he did give multiple stories... so we will never really know exactly what happened, outside of what the evidence told the police.

As time has passed, things get easier and I even find myself feeling completely normal most days and it's shocking because when you suffer a loss like that, you don't think anything will ever be normal again. And you don't think you'll ever be completely happy again. I am certainly not my whole self, and I don't think my family or her friends are their whole selves either. Because a loss like that takes pieces from you, but dealing with a loss like that publicly and having it take 3 months to conclude, takes chunks out of your soul. You don't get those pieces back, you just keep replacing the bandaids. Luckily, most of the time I think all of us think about the good times that we had with Mickey, not what ultimately ended her life.

One thing that makes it very hard to forget about what happened is the media. I recognize that this was a very public case and that we were very open about everything we experienced while Mickey was missing and just after she was found. But my big question is, why do people think it's appropriate to approach you out in public and cry to you about what happened. Or see you walking down the street while you're shopping and scream "Mickey Shunick"? Or corner you in the bathroom and tell you details they know about the man who murdered your sister? It's mind-boggling to me. It's one thing when people say "hey you and your sister are awesome" or "hey I knew Mickey" and they tell you a funny story. But it's another thing for people to approach you with the look of pity on their face... because I don't think we should be pitied. My sister fought for her life, and she kicked her attackers ass... he just happened to have a gun, and she didn't. This whole scenario would be like random people reminding you of the worst thing you've ever experienced on the few occasions you aren't thinking about it... but it happens over and over and over again forever. However, I can't change my face and if you haven't noticed, Mickey and I could have been (fraternal) twins. Clearly I was born with a much bigger head than she was.

I'm trying to express this without sounding like an asshole. Because I truly do love and appreciate the support that we continue to receive, it's just a double edged sword. Especially when I've tried time and time again to channel that energy into other missing person cases and people don't always want to move in that direction. And trust me, I know, that if it's weren't for our community, we wouldn't have found my sister and she would still be considered a missing person. But you know what, we did find her, and there are still COUNTLESS missing person cases open in our communities. It's time to concentrate on those.

I've almost written this blog post so many times, but it's always when I'm angry about something dealing with Mickey. Guess what, I'm super angry right now. Because one of the problems with having a public missing person case, is that people think they own that story and that it's free to tell however they see fit. Media companies, authors, and producers seem to think that our personal tragedy makes a really great story. And I cannot express the level of disgust I feel toward those people. I know it's their job, and they have to ask, but the way they do it is inappropriate. In fact, I would say my biggest regret is making my sister's case so public (not that it was my decision, it just sort of happened). The other side to that is, if we hadn't made my sister's case so public, we wouldn't have found her. It was tips from the public and the constant stream of information from our campaign, the media, and the police and allowed us to solve her case. Since we did make it so public, and I'm her big sister, and I became the "face" of the campaign... my job is still to make sure people don't mess with Mickey. Trust me when I tell you, the fierceness I had while she was missing hasn't gone away, and it has only gotten stronger. If I end up getting sued for libel one day.. so be it... and good luck, because I'm a teacher with health issues that also runs a nonprofit for free.

And the worst part about all of this is, Mickey's case, and everything that happened to her, is public knowledge. So legally, my family and I can't stop anyone from writing a book about her, or making a movie, or making some shitty television show about her. A high school friend of mine is a lawyer and he said they were in the process of getting a law to pass that would allow family members to posthumously take on all PR rights of their dead loved one but it hasn't happened yet. When a company approaches us, all we can do is refuse to participate and beg her friends not to so they can't tell a very good story. At least we're lucky they even ask us... although a few times, they haven't asked us and just assumed we would participate when they're in town.

From what I can remember, we did 3 or 4 television shows, and the only acceptable one that was created was by Dateline NBC. In fact, I'm still friends with those guys and I have nothing but love and respect for them... and it's because they respect us (what up Josh!). Because then you have channels that think it's appropriate to make a television series called "Southern Fried Homicide"... and I can only hope they forget that these are the murders of real human beings that have real family members and loved ones that are still living real lives out in the world. Because how does the murder of people in the south relate to chicken or green tomatoes? It doesn't, they're just sensationalist. But I get it, what could be more sensational than the murder of a young, white, blonde haired, blue eyed woman from a small town in Louisiana? Not much... I guess.

The situation that spurred my motivation for writing this post today is because of an encounter I just had. A young woman added me on Facebook, and we had a lot of mutual friends so I just assumed we knew each other. And apparently we had a Spanish class together in college but regardless, when I looked at her profile after adding her and I saw that she worked for a production company in New York I had one of those "oh God, what have I done" moments. And sure enough, a few minutes later I received a message about a television show about Mickey. And I immediately said no... absolutely not. Then this young woman countered it by saying "no sorry this is about another missing person case I know you have been involved with and the non profit organization you created" so I said I would speak to the mother of the missing young lady whose case she was speaking about and get back to her. And then I connected the producer with the mother. I would love to talk about the organization and other cases I've worked on but I will never speak about my sister with one of those shows ever again. Well, it had been a few days so I started breathing a sigh of relief thinking that they were just going to do a show on this missing woman and I wouldn't have to participate... because, I know better than to think I could talk about RAMP without also talking about my sister on national television. Well, guess who messages me today saying that her boss said "this is really about Mickey's story"

EXCUSE ME? gurrrrrrrlllllllll. 
Whyyyy youuuu lyingggg thennnn? Mickey's story has been told time and time again, and she is represented by every single missing person case I have worked on since she went missing (which has been over 700 at this point), and I already told your company no... the level of disrespect is so real...why can't these people just be honest. I would never sell my soul to be a glorified con artist with the veil of "we tell people's stories to help other people"... because the internet doesn't exist and we haven't already done multiple shows and interviews.

And what really burns me up even more, is every time we turn down one of these "golden opportunities" to abuse my sister's privacy and rip open the still healing wounds from her murder... I give them lists of names of other missing person campaigns that desperately need the attention and assistance... and guess what? They NEVER approach those families. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's because their stories don't have conclusions yet, but since there's at least 3 other shows about Mickey, aren't they just copying and pasting the same material onto their show but adding a few extra words to make it look like their own work? Pretty sure we spent years in school learning that's not the way it works.

But I tell you what... I'm getting really tired of dedicating my time and energy to fighting people that think they can use Mickey's story for their own financial gain. And I don't mean to be insensitive to my sister at all, but she was extremely private and would want none of this. There's already a park, a bike lane, multiple news stories, a scholarship, multiple television shows, and non profit organization that have all been created in her name. And most of these things we didn't push for, it was offered to us and for beautiful reasons. Because Lafayette, I ain't mad atcha. The bike lane was needed and the pocket park is beautiful. But when will enough be enough? When can I go 3 months without some stranger thinking they can write a really great book about my sister's life? If Mickey would have wanted a book or a movie created... a book or movie would be created.

And now... I digress and apologize for my public venting. Mickey was a badass, a golden human being, an animal lover, a pocket rocket (as my aus friend would say), and very shy and private. Her friends, my friends, my family and I are still trying to move on. And all we want is to just remember Mickey for who she was and not for what happened to her. The only thing to remember about her murder is that she took a horrible human being off the streets that can no longer hurt other people.

With that being said, please join me in remembering the beautiful soul that was and is Michaela "Mickey" Elizabeth Shunick, who was taken from us 6 years ago this Saturday and would have turned 28 this coming Monday. And finally, may the people who want to use her story for their own personal gain piss off for eternity.

With love,
Charlie