Two Months

And just like that... it's been 2 months. While everyone was enjoying their Easter Holiday (if you celebrate it), I was celebrating the 2 month anniversary of my surgery. It was an unexpectedly emotional day for me for multiple reasons. Mostly because I went back to work the following day and I was being a big baby --- But also because I kept thinking back to 2 months before and reliving some of those feelings. I had no idea what my life would be like after January 27, the day of my surgery, and I was so afraid. It's funny because the day before my surgery I was with Jordan and his family and the day before my 2 month mark I was with Jordan and his family. So I guess not too much has changed, but at the same time I do feel like a different person. It's hard to explain really... And well, my time off of life certainly wasn't a walk in the park, and it wasn't really very relaxing. But here I am 2 months and 3 days later and I'm walking, talking, typing, painting, working. I mean... WOW. Who knew brain surgery would be so... routine? But to say the least... Sunday afternoon Jordan brought me home and I cried all day while I got ready to start the work week.

I did have a very lovely day with Jordan's family for Easter, and I survived a family party with a bunch of people. And if you know Jordan, he has a lot of family. I come from a family where only my immediate family lives in Lafayette (the rest are all up north, hellooooo cousins), and a majority of his family lives in New Orleans so they do a lot together. Lots of laughing, loving, hugging, and none of it bothered me one bit! So at least I know my social anxiety only relates to strangers and people I don't know. I have a feeling the next big, human-filled event I attend will go very smoothly and be perfectly fine. Too bad I missed/will be missing all the fun stuff... R.I.P. 2016 Mardi Gras, Birthday, St. Patrick's Day, Festival International, Jazz Fest. Maybe next year.

So... yeah... I started work this week. And just like everything else, I was extremely apprehensive about going back. And it wasn't because I would be doing work again (ok, maybe it was a little bit because I would be doing work again) but it was because I was afraid to interact with people again. I was worried I would come back and have a seizure and never be able to work there again. Like they would have just thrown in the towel and been like "look, you can't teach here but can we use your health as an example in all of our classes?" And oddly enough, my quality of sleep last week and thus far this week have been very, very poor. I actually think that having to set my alarm, gives me anxiety now. How do people who struggle with a lifetime of anxiety actually live? --(on the positive side, my anxiety is rapidly decreasing every day). Back to work --- Instead of me freaking out and inconveniencing everyone, it's been lovely. My colleagues have been and still are so supportive and I've been welcomed back with open arms by everyone. And, just like every other job, everyone knows everything. To be fair, some of them read this blog and it's not like I'm keeping anything about the tumor private here. Anyway, they have my doing a bunch of different things at work that are actually really great to know... and will surely help me be a better teacher but really just a better employee at school. And I'm planning on teaching this summer, if any classes are available (we are all like class vultures, waiting in the dark for another one to open so we can jump on it).

Other than that, physically I feel really, pretty good. My incision is almost completely healed and I think my numb spot is a little less numb. I do have one big old bald spot that is really hard to cover up no matter which way I part my hair so I'm just trying to trick myself into thinking it's adorable and unique instead bright, pink and circular. Really, it's kind of cool to show people and talk about my plate. I can't wait until you can feel the plate so I can let people touch it. I think I can feel one screw ---- but I also may just have a really lumpy head. My scalp is still driving me nuts it's so itchy (and all I can do is pat it, so if you see me slapping my scalp, that's why). -- but I finally started using some of my old products again and there doesn't seem to be any problems with them. Thank God because the hair I have has to be tamed - at least a little bit - by several products. I also had a follow-up MRI 2 weeks ago and Dr. Dumont said everything looks excellent. Complete resection, signs of positive healing, no sign of tumor regrowth. I'll take it!

I have been walking at least 4 or 5 miles almost every day. I'm toying with the idea of biking a few miles this week, but of course I'm a little terrified of that. What if I fall and hit my head and my titanium plate pops off and my brain comes out of my skull and I die? I know that won't really happen, (and obviously I'm going to wear a helmet) but I never said I was rational. Ok I'm sort of rational, but I never said I think rationally... My memory still has some gaps, mostly my vocabulary, I just draw blanks -- all the time -- for the simplest words. And I have been experiencing some pretty serious fatigue, meaning the two point five days I have worked makes me want to come home and go to bed at 8:00pm. I've also had some pretty bad headaches - they feel like mini-migraines and have persisted no matter what I do... I think all of those things are probably related to: stimulation, human interaction, a schedule, having to wake up early, etc. So again, all of these things will get better over time. I still can't believe the strides I have made in just 8 weeks time. From not being able to type or get up off the couch or walk more than a mile to living my nearly normal life (thinking of you, car). And... well... I really miss taking baths. I am a bath person, human soup if you will, and when you may have seizure you can't take baths or swim by yourself. And well, I live alone.

No real updates on my friend Loren and her family and how they are doing with the discovery of her brother. The case is very high profile there so I'm sure they haven't had time to breathe or think, on top of grieving the loss of Dan. Of course, everyone there is speculating about how he wasn't found for so long when he was on their property and trying to raise flags about the circumstances surrounding his disappearance. Because a family who spent 5 years, running a 24/7 international campaign for their missing loved one definitely was responsible for the disappearance and death of their person... sometimes working in missing people becomes very, very hard again. And it's times like these where I wonder why I do this. And then I remember that I do this, so that some of the ignorance that surrounds the world of missing people will hopefully be reduce eventually. That's what I hope my legacy will be.

I want to take the end of this to thank everyone again for sticking with me. This journey so far has been very tumultuous and it has been much easier with so much love and support from my friends and family and colleagues, and kind strangers. I'm sure there will still be interesting stories to tell in the future, but for now I'm still using this as a life journal. Should that blasted astrocytoma ever grow back I'll be able to read through this and know exactly what to expect. Instead of using google as my main tool of reference. I'm also really happy I'm still young (enough) because the healing has been so much easier. I hope you all have a wonderful week, happy spring!